Superhero Logic

So, Superhero has had enough of Bulldozer taking all of the adults' attention, and showed us this today by imitating -- step by step -- a Bulldozer meltdown.  Of course, I was wise to the real purpose to this, and as such, reacted in a totally different way to a Bulldozer meltdown.

After he had calmed down (by himself and after no more verbal redirection other than a quiet "Sit down" -- not to mention doing most of my visual prompts from behind) I grabbed his flip 'n' talk.  Using the pictures, I told him that I was disappointed in him and asked how he felt.  He pointed to "sad" and "lonely," then flipped to the page with various "____ hurts" messages.  He touched the generic "I hurt" and then pointed to "I can't find it" and "I want to say something else."

So, all things considered, I felt pretty lousy for him.

Not 100% lousy, mind you -- I could have done without him grabbing my glasses (a move, of course, totally stolen from Bulldozer) for one thing.

The more amusing thing -- she says sarcastically -- is the Drama percolating between Aides L, K, and J.

Heh.  J, K, L.  Never noticed that before.

Ahem.

Anyway, Aide J made the very reasonable request during News-2-You that Aides L and K stop chatting (Aide S was running the lesson, as I was busy with Bulldozer) while the kids were supposed to be reading.

(You'd think that given all of the rule practicing we've done, they might come up with that idea -- namely, modeling the appropriate behavior -- on their own, but this is Aide K (not exactly firing on all thrusters) and Aide L (the gossip).)

Anyhow, they were chatting while it was time for M to read.

So Aide J asked them to stop.

They apparently were snarking to each other about her at lunch and called her Nurse Ratchet.

Yippee.

However, Bulldozer was, as usual, better today than yesterday.  After his imitation attempt, Superhero was pretty okay.  M survived the day without going totally insane (which she was on the cusp of all day).  The Boss (formerly known as Girl J) actually finished her work (she's really quite the sweetie when she's not being a stubborn pre-teen girl).

Plus, the OTs took them for a whole half hour to do a whole class obstacle course.  Yay.  :-)

Of course, that meant that we didn't quite get as far in Second Step as I wanted to, but oh well.

Hooray for half days tomorrow (which may not be long for the world, if the scuttlebutt in the staff room was right today).

From the "Duh" Department

So, Yahoo had on its front page a link to an article that basically says panic attacks are bad for your heart.

I have had one panic attack in my life and have no desire to repeat the experience, but I can tell you this from personal experience: your heart turns into a hummingbird.

That can't be good for it.

I don't need a study to tell me that.

Geesh.

There Were Circumstances

So, let's get the totally awesome out of the way first: Aide T is coming back on Monday!

And...(trying not to get my hopes up too high here, but) there's a chance she won't be student teaching in the spring after all.

(Pardon me while I heave a huge sigh of relief.)

Anyhow, Bulldozer apparently realized he was back at school today, after a relatively peaceful day yesterday. He had two pretty intense meltdowns -- the first of which resulted in him yanking our map off the wall, and the second of which resulted in him ripping the paper behind the map off the windows.

However, during the second one, he looked at me with that look. He pointed at me and said, "Mmm mmmm mad!" (Which is his way of saying "Miss ____ mad!") In other words, "Ha ha ha, I'm making you mad."

Yeah, kiddo...when you tell me what your bad behavior is trying to get...not gonna get it. Sorry.

So I kept my poker face and said quietly, "I understand that you want to make me mad. But instead we're going to write a note home to mom and dad. If they're mad...that's up to them. I just want you to do your work."

Suffice it to say, he was a bit stunned.

(Haw haw.)

I wasn't going to stay today and put the map back up, but I changed my mind. However, it's now back where it was last year (slightly out of arm's reach when he's at the table he's at where he has his meltdowns)...plus, there is masking tape all around the edge of the paper.

(Haw haw.)

It's a bit childish, I realize, to feel kinda vindictive about this, but it's not going to work. He has a communication device, break cards, a picture schedule, and (currently) a touch more freedom than the rest of the kids. He's following a work-then-break one-step schedule which results in him getting more breaks than the rest of them. Bless their hearts, though, they get it, and don't complain.

Meanwhile, Speech Aide A came in to do speech with him, and sent my blood pressure skyrocketing. She was immediately confrontational with him (yeah, good plan, that) and when he did try to smack her, she said loudly to me (twice), "He can't be allowed to get away with this."

Grrrr.

Don't ya think it would be easier to let him get away with this? I mean, seriously, do you think I like getting tables shoved at me, getting kicked, having my glasses thrown across the room, and having a 9 year old boy trying to tear my shirt? I wouldn't be going through all of this if I was letting him "get away" with it.

The kid is primarily trying to escape tasks. So, just like all the head honcho behavior people say, he is removed from the situation to calm down in a place where both he and I are safe, and when he is calm, the task is presented again. His meltdowns do not allow him to escape tasks. They (and I) follow him. I don't give him stuff when he's inclined to tear it up and throw it away, but it remains in view, and it doesn't go anywhere.

And, ya know what, it works. His Tuesdays are as good as his Fridays are at the beginning of the year. I am already considering which tasks to add a second step to his picture schedule for -- in order to delay his reward/break. Aside from today, he is hitting less, and crying less. When he does cry, it is for shorter periods of time, is generally quieter, and he refocuses better.

Why?

'Cause he hasn't been allowed to get away with it. Because his escape behavior isn't earning him escape -- completing short tasks and/or asking for a break is getting him a break.

Then, as he begins to calm down, she presents him with his first task. It is not a particularly engaging one, and he tries to throw the pictures away. So, I try to ease him into it. Instead of pointing at "she is brushing teeth," I ask him if the pictures are girls or boys (his favorite thing to name) but she brushes me off, sending him into another 5 minute long tail spin.

I was actually so bothered by the comment that I asked DFT to talk to her about it. She (DFT) has been remarkably pragmatic about the whole thing. She came back to do speech with him after he hit Speech Aide A the second time, and when he began hitting, allowed me to redirect him to the safe chair, sat a ways back, and did just what I was trying to do today -- namely, start off slow, start off easy, ease him into the hard stuff.

And, of course, in the morning, I hear the continuous chatter from Aide L (despite both Aide S and Aide J -- hooray for them -- brushing her off and answering as vaguely as possible) about how he didn't do this last year (of course, she subbed from winter break on, after Teacher M had already fought this battle, albiet with parents that sort of reinforced her at home, at least), and how it must be the age, 'cause her son has been scratching, yadda yadda yadda.

My response? I paraphrased an episode of Buffy: "There are circumstances." (For the record, the actual quote is, "Buffy wouldn't do something like this. It's just not in her nature. Well, I mean, there was that one time where she disappeared for several months and changed her name, but there were circumstances then -- there-there's no circumstances!")

It's kinda like last year, when M had some trouble adjusting from lots of play time to ohmigod-I'm-in-fourth-grade-and-I-have-to-work?!?!?! All I got from otherwise-wonderful Aide L (who works in preschool, not sub-aide L) was, "Wow, M wasn't like this last year."

Eeeeeeessssssshhhhhhh.

However, we had a great sub for Aide B this afternoon -- although since Bulldozer's meltdown began about 5 minutes after recess until more or less the end of the day, I only got to chat with her after school.

Still, she was telling someone about how she was explaining to someone working with her son (who, I presume, must have disabilities of some sort) that if he spits at you, redirect him once, otherwise just move away from him -- 'cause he's doing it for attention.

DUUUUUUHHHHH!!!!!

So I praised the thought process up and down right in front of Aide J (I only with Aide S could have been there) because she still makes that mistake with E, even though she doesn't anymore with Superhero.

Anyway, after school, I told her that I was glad she understood that, because often people don't get it and continue redirecting. Her response was a totally awesome "Well, I would too, if I wanted him to spit at me more!"

Hee hee hee.

It might have made some impact on Aide J, though. While waiting for the bus, E hit her on the arm, and she simply turned away (keeping E in her peripheral vision, of course) and said, "I'm not talking to you while you're hitting."

Much, much better than, "Ouch! That hurt! E, there is no hitting! Stop!"

However, I must say, the class handled Aide T's visit very well -- despite swarming her in a massive group hug the moment she came in the door. :-) M had a bit of a problem, but she calmed down fairly well until Bulldozer's second tremendous meltdown -- but the OTs took her outside, so yay!

Meanwhile, Superhero started crying at recess and even using his new communication flip book, could only tell me he was "sad." A bit later, he started sneezing, coughing, and felt warm, so my suspicion is that he's catching the epidemic that M and Bulldozer have already had, and that Angel has now (and that I avoided only by the grace of lots of vitamins, horrible tasting zicam mouth spray, and lots of sleep).

How many seconds till Monday morning? :-)

Only Half on Strike

So, my conscience wouldn't let me be totally on strike, so I did a week's worth of journals (next week is the last of the journals I made during summer).

October 18 is a boring day.

Just thought y'all would want to know that.

Belated TV Reviews

By the way -- Bulldozer was great today; only one little meltdown.  The others, on the other hand...ouch.  Superhero was with dad this weekend (never a good), and the idea of sending him to DARE with Aide L?  Yeah, not my brightest.  Boy J...just had issues.

So I'm on strike tonight.  I ended up ahead with the school stuff, and I will probably just do nothing and recover, 'cause to pull the rest of them through their drama, I need to be at least kind of sane.

Meanwhile, a few weeks ago, Amazon was offering a free download of the new Bionic Woman.  I was mildly intrigued, having watched reruns of the original on the Sci-Fi channel in the 90s -- back when they showed old sci-fi shows.  Plus, I remembered that Katee Sackhoff (of Battlestar Galactica) was also in it as another bionic...woman.

Ahem.

Anyhow, let's get the basics out of the way.  Bionic Woman is helmed by one of Battlestar Galactica's head honchos -- which suggests, of course, that it'll be more than a simplistic remake.

(Or, was.  I seem to recall that one of the executive producers quit right before the season started to air.)

However, where BSG at least maintains much of the original story -- the Cylon attack, the flight through space, meeting with the Pegasus, and so forth -- while updating it into a gritty political drama that happens to happen in space (in the first season and a half) and a sci-fi with a distinct mythological bent (in the last season and a half), Bionic Woman has, as far as I can recall, two things in common with its namesake.

1.  The main character's name is Jaime Somers.

2.  She becomes bionic at the behest of her boyfriend after a devastating accident.

(Of course, in the original, it was 'cause whatever the Six Million Dollar Man's name was threatened to stop working if they didn't bionicify her, not 'cause he was in charge of Super Secret Military Stuff.)

Now, this isn't necessarily bad.  While following the same essential story line -- including, it seems, eventually finding Earth -- BSG is, in its day to day operation, very different than the original.

(However, I've always missed Patrick Macnee's opening narration from the original, especially given the premise on the new BSG that all of this has happened before -- meaning that the colonies are likely the result of a prior exodus through space.)

In any event, it's not necessarily bad that Bionic Woman is so different from the original.  The problem was -- I couldn't really decide where it was going.  Visually, it reminded me of the WB's short-lived Birds of Prey.  In some ways, it did remind me of BSG in that I'm not really sure who the good guys are -- except, of course, we're supposed to believe that Jaime is one of the good guys.

But it had another problem.  I'm often critical of actors playing very different parts, unless they are very, very good at their craft.

(For instance, the notion that Pavel Chekov on Star Trek and Alfred Bester on Babylon 5 are the same actor is...at the least...a "wow."  You could also say the same for Hikaru Sulu on Star Trek and whatever-his-name-is on Heroes (I've only seen one episode).)

Katee Sackhoff is a very good actress.  She is especially got at nonverbal acting, in my opinion.  There is a scene in a first season episode of BSG ("Act of Contrition") where she has to fess up to Adama (the one man she really seems to admire at that point, and the man who was almost her father-in-law) about something -- and you can see every ounce of despair that Kara feels as Adama reacts in anger.

It's an awesome scene and the scene that made me a Starbuck fan.

So I watched Bionic Woman worried that I'd see Kara Thrace (Starbuck) instead of whatever her name was.

I didn't.

Unfortunately, from the very beginning where she slithers across the screen and shortly meets her demise, only to (mysteriously) show up again...she was Number Six.

And I mean she was Number Six.

From her hair style to the clothes to the way she moved -- she was Number Six.

Oops.

I'll probably watch one or two more weeks.  There's very little sci-fi on right now that I enjoy -- Stargate: Atlantis is...meh.  I never got into Lost or Heroes (I know, I know).  BSG doesn't return until January.  Smallville...I watch occasionally, but it's not really a favorite either.

So we'll see.

Double the Pirates, and a Rant

So, Cat went to a pirate festival this weekend, and took a picture of her friend Amy, dog Hermione, and a pirate statue.

Funnily enough, Patrick took this picture in San Francisco a couple years ago:

Eerily familiar. ;-)

In other news, Patrick's friend at Ralphs (we shall call him Jack) has been transferred to a different store.

I met Jack a couple of years ago when he was a bag boy.  While it was several months later that he mentioned to me that he has Asperger's Syndrome, he may as well have been wearing a scarlet A...at least, as far as I was concerned.

The first time I ever met Jack, he was waxing philosophic about his trip to Australia to the person in line in front of me.  That person paid and went on about their business, and Jack just kept going, finishing his story with me as his new audience.

Since then, he befriended Patrick, and whenever he leaves on one of his trips -- traveling is his Thing -- Patrick misses him greatly.

So today, he asked where Jack was.  Turns out Jack was transferred after an argument with a bag boy, who was fired.  That suggests to me that Jack was not at fault and was probably being picked on.

In fact, I suspect I even know two others who instigated it -- I asked last weekend, and the checker and bag boy -- both guys barely out of high school -- snickered and said they thought he'd gone to another store.

What irks me is that Jack is a perfectly nice guy who happens to go on ad nauseum about a topic.  He likely does not understand or process others' social cues that they're done talking about Australia...but that doesn't make it okay to harass him.

We still have a long way to go.  The "r" word is still far too acceptable.  People make disparaging remarks about "the short bus."  In fact, I was reading a story in my grandpa's New Yorker which used every derogatory term for people with cognitive disabilities in the book.

It's not okay.  It shouldn't be okay.

And I shouldn't be too chicken to tell friends and acquaintances that I don't like the words "retard" or "retarded" or any of the suddenly chic variations ("fantard" being prominent in online fandom at the moment, but I've also heard "r-tard" and various others).

Yum

Why, oh why, have I never ordered a Bear Pit sandwich on garlic bread before?

What was once delicious becomes oh-wow-that-is-awesome.

Also, why have I only been there less than 10 times in my life?  It's less than 10 minutes away from where I grew up, and less than 15 minutes from where I live now.

We're Cursed

After finally being rid of our oft-absent flake Aide D, I was at least relieved that Aide L (no matter how nosy or...frantic, I think is a good word for her) was very consistent in her attendance last year when subbing for Aide S.

Until she didn't show yesterday.

Or this morning.

So, our frantic office clerk (our office manager was out yesterday and today) was trying to deal with at least 3 other aide absences, but eventually called her.

She missed the part where it said the job was more than one day.

Yeah.

Meanwhile, in the continuing Aide K saga, I made the kids their own checklists for "Catch Up Day," including Boardmaker pictures and listing the color of the appropriate folder.

That is, it said:

Catch Up Day

Go in order.  Check each folder on the list and make sure all the week's work is done.  Check off each one as you finish it.

1.  Agenda book.

2.  Journal.

3.  News-2-You (Orange)

4.  Literature (Green)

Etc.

Not only did Aide K not understand it (I heard her muttering about whether Angel should go in order), Angel had to explain it to her.

My student.

A girl in my special day class.

Had. To. Explain. A. Visual. Checklist.

To an aide.

Ouch.

That, however, was topped by the moment when she went over to Aide S with Angel's agenda book.  Angel had a brain freeze on Monday and instead of writing the date in each box in her agenda book, wrote:

Monday, September 24, 2007.

Monday, September 25, 2007.

And so forth.

Aide K asked Aide S if that was correct.

Not, should she fix this?  But if it was supposed to be that way!

You know, it took Aide ME (the one who talked all the time) four tries, purportedly, to pass our district's aide test.  Aide ME wasn't exactly firing on all thrusters, but she was more with it than K.

Which leaves me wondering: how in the name of all that's holy did this woman pass the aide test?

On the plus side, it bodes very well for Former Student A (who was reclassified -- correctly -- last year as having learning disabilities and a processing disorder rather than cognitive disabilities), who would make an excellent aide.  I always worried about her passing the test, but if Aide K did, there's no way A wouldn't.

Grrrrrr

Writing With Symbols does not always play nice with my printers. Sometimes, it prints the bottom half of the page over the top half of the page.

A while back, I noticed that if I printed to a PDF file first (via a very old set of drivers that shipped with the pre-installed Word Perfect on this computer), most of those problems were eradicated -- plus, it gave me a chance to review the document before I printed it from Adobe Reader.

Tonight, however, it is not playing nicely. I've been trying to print chapter 9 of Charlie for, I kid you not, over half an hour. Chapter 8 worked flawlessly. I still have to make the questions that go with the chapters.

But I can't get chapter 8 to print!

Everything looks like this:


If I fix page 1 and get it working correctly, page 4 is all screwed up. Grr.

Edited to add: As much as it makes my techie heart weep, I gave up. I printed pages 2 through 10 with my laser printer, and page one with my inkjet, and prayed.

It's not printed double-sided, but it is legible.

Thank Goodness for Small Favors

Thanks to lots of sleep last night, I seem not to have succumbed any further to the epidemic plaguing my classroom; that is, I feel no better, but I also feel no worse.

However, the Bulldozer and E were both absent today. I didn't dare believe it was really true until around 9:00, but by then, it was pretty clear neither was coming. It was, naturally, a relatively calm day, except for Girl J (henceforth known at The Boss -- thus christened by Theresa (thank you) because she thinks she is the boss) decided that rather than actually do her journal, she would draw circles all over it.

In the on-going "ohmigod, Aide T, please come back soon!" saga -- Aide L, who was supposed to finish up the job until she can come back, was not at school today. That, more than my impending illness, is why I was so grateful that neither E nor Bulldozer were at school today.

I am now left pondering whether I would rather Bulldozer be absent tomorrow. On the one hand, if he is at school, he will likely be only partly recovered and likely very grouchy. On the other, Mondays are bad enough after two days home -- imagine what it'll be like after four!

In other news, Superhero has not had a snack for three days. On the first day, his whole snack bag was missing. He dug into his backpack, muttering, "Where is it?"

On the second day, he had a lunch bag, a Capri Sun, and a napkin. He poured it all out and said, "Where go?"

Today, he had a bag and a napkin. When I asked him what happened to it, he said, "Who say?" ("Who can say?")

He sits next to Preschooler I on the bus most of the time...I told his mom we'd check I for Dorito breath.

Meanwhile, SciFi.com has posted the groundbreaking news that The Seeker: The Dark is Rising bears little resemblance to the eponymous (mostly) book.

Duh.

I coulda told you that when they changed the name from The Dark is Rising to its current title -- often shortened in the commercials just to The Seeker. Clearly, they were trying to distance themselves from the book.

Also? Why does Sam look like a blonde Vala (sans pigtails) in the Stargate: Atlantis teaser ad?

And finally, how on Earth did I forget that the Alien Nation movie DVD set (so far, a Best Buy exclusive) came out two weeks ago? Bad fan. No cookie.

Zero!

So, the Bulldozer had no meltdowns today.  None.  There was no crying at all.  I realize this may be a temporary reprieve, but it was a relief, as I am apparently catching the cold M had last week and E had today.

Aide L (our sub for Aide S last year) is now our sub for Aide T until she comes back.  I'd forgotten how nosy she is!  Eesh.  Fortunately, Aide S just kept working with kids, and Aide J answered as briefly and non-specifically as possible.  Good for her.

At least we have someone consistent, though the inevitable comparisons will be forthcoming: Oh, the Bulldozer didn't do that when I subbed in his class last year!  Wow, is Girl J more stubborn this year than last year?  My goodness, M is still having bathroom issues?  They seem worse than last year.

Anyhow, the Bulldozer had no meltdowns, and even participated during the Let's Learn the Rules Second Step lesson.  As in, if someone is talking, you are silent.  You raise your hand to ask a question.  You listen to others.

I made "turn" cards I saw at a Barbara Bloomfield workshop a while back.  Every kid got three.  If you answered a question, you gave one up.  Once yours were gone, you didn't get to answer a question until everybody else's were gone.  If you were using your turn card, everyone else was to be silent.

It actually worked pretty well.

Also, Superhero knows the word (and PECs picture) for frustrated. Cool.

You know the saying about having someone on a short leash?  This group of kids needs a four-inch choke chain.  I have utter faith that we will get there eventually -- the Second Step lesson proved it -- but it's going to be...fun...getting there.

But I must say, it was nice to actually get a chance to teach today.  Since E was out sick, Aide J was available to help other kids more than normal, so I was able to pull M during small group working time and work one on one with her.

Tomorrow is principal's recess, which all but three of the kids earned.  I suspect the three who didn't won't be very happy -- but Girl J (I need a nickname for her, by the way) connects actions and consequences well enough that the reminder should do her well in the future.

Incidentally, the five item schedule was way too much for Bulldozer.  Right now, only the bottom spot has an activity in it, and then his reinforcer (i.e., an if-then board -- if you do your journal, then you can draw).

Commercial Randomness

Can someone please explain to me why we need to tell people that they shouldn't take birth control pills if they are pregnant?

I mean, either they are trying to abort and therefore suspect it will have that effect, or...

...or...?

Sorry, can't think of an "or" except "very extremely stupid."

Only 2

As in, the Bulldozer went from (I think) 6 meltdowns yesterday to only 2 today, one of which I was expecting and was logical (in Bulldozer-think) -- hitting had allowed him to escape speech the last two weeks, so he figured it would do the same. I ended up on my knees scooching him across the floor.

Superhero had a small one after recess (he came back from science totally wacko) which I managed to deal with (though I did have to shush Aide J and Aide S...grr...). I did get spit on for the first time in a couple of weeks, but only twice, and he soon realized that wasn't getting him anywhere.

In the continuing saga of Aide S, E is back to beating her up on a regular basis. Why?

Well...despite me mentioning (repeatedly) that E is trying to get attention from her (and pointing out her TalkTrac as an alternative) her reaction to anything E does is a very loud, "E, no, we need nice hands; E, I'm not leaving until I get nice hands; E, etc. etc. etc."

In other words, attention.

A lot of it.

No wonder E's first act upon seeing S is to take a swipe at her.

Le sigh.

It's funny -- you can teach people the reasons for behavior and they might even get some of it (e.g. she understands that the Bulldozer's main motivation is escape) but there's often this one little blind spot.

For some people -- for a lot of people, really -- it's sensory-seeking behavior -- some people just don't get that M squeezes your...chestal area (to quote someone; I can't remember who) because she needs to feel that squeeze -- but for S, it's attention-seeking behavior.

This morning, E scratched my arm twice. I blocked her arm, looked away, and said nothing. As soon as I felt her body language relax, I turned and said "hi" and gave her lots of attention. She made one other half-hearted attempt, to which I responded the same way. Next thing I know, she's relaxed, slumped against me (I don't think she feels well), and is seeking out my hand to hold it.

As I said in yesterday's rant: my way works people. You've seen me take E in full meltdown mode back into quiet, semi-independent working. Ditto the Superhero. Matter of fact, he calmed down enough today to tell me his rules without me asking him too.

Yeah, it took a while, and, yeah, I did get spit on, and, yeah, he was godawful loud.

But you know what? He responded to my (non-verbal) prompts to raise his hand to ask for a squirt, and rephrased when I asked him to say it more quietly. Later, when he was even more ready for work, he was able to quietly ask for help when he needed it and he finished his work independently when he was ready.

So, let's compare. Had I done nothing but redirected him ("Superhero, that's too loud. Supehero, be quiet." "Superhero, I don't like that.") all he's done is hear his own name and me talking to him for quiet a while, and he travels farther up the excitement slope.

This way was less convenient for me, but he learned that to get my attention, he had to work quietly and ask for it.

Sheesh.

Really, though, except for the fact that I haven't been able to implement M's sensory diet appropriately (though I did send the class outside to read today so I could sit in the dark (with the front door open; I'm not stupid) with her, brush her -- which she tolerates, kinda, sometimes, but the OTs say to do it -- do joint compressions -- which she doesn't seem to like, but the counting calms her -- and get her calm.

As she's calming, she tearfully says, "M crying."

"Why are you crying?"

(No response.)

"What's wrong?"

"Why she's mad, M?" (As in, as nearly as I could tell, she was mad at herself.)

"Why are you mad?"

"Where bike -- I want -- where -- she's mad bike. Crying sad."

It's the most spontaneous, non-echolalic conversation I've ever heard from this child.

"I'm sorry, M. But it's not your day. It'll be your day soon." (My bickering bunch of old married couples was not sharing well. Actually, they just generally pick at each other. They have assigned spots in line, assigned seats at each table, assigned order for chances at the computer, and an assigned order for the bike.)

"It's not your day! Bike!"

I began some feather-light touches on her hand and forearm, which often calms her way better than deep pressure, thus further proving SBS's hypothesis that everything the OTs believe is backwards in M's neurological system.

"It'll be your day soon."

"M sad, crying sad."

"I know."

After that, she rubbed her eyes and we started to read until -- darn it -- the kindergartners came out for lunch. She had trouble focusing after that, but eventually was able to sit with me and Superhero and get some work done (independently, even).

I have to say, it was almost enough to get me to bend the rules and give her the bike.

Meanwhile, Boy J did nothing horrible but was generally testy all day. He did something at recess and did his singsong voice, but this time, I printed out a page of "I will act like a fourth grader" and made him write it. I'm generally not big on standards, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. He did stop and did well the rest of the day.

Our adapted social studies lesson went well, except for Bulldozer's meltdown -- but he recovered partway into the lesson and sat with the group and participated (!!!) for about 20 minutes before he lost it again. Well, that and the fifth and sixth graders moving at a snail's pace because Aide K had to read her instructions (which she still didn't carry out correctly; I overheard her having Angel (New Girl) circling all the Native Americans, when her job was to write a sentence about one, but whatever). I have a few things to tweak for next time, but overall I was happy with it.

Plus, it took a whole hour. :-)

The Chair Adventure

Apologies to anyone I may have inadvertently freaked out with my last post (cough!Theresa!cough!)...I just didn't have the mental wherewithal to describe the drama in detail.

Things that happened today include (note: include, but are not limited to):

1.  The Superhero, the Bulldozer, M, Boy J, and Girl J all melting down at the same time.  Seriously.

2.  Aide D not showing up.  Which is not a huge loss, considering we were going to tell her "Thanks, but no thanks" today anyway, for exactly that.  Especially since it turns out that she's been going to her afternoon sub position even on the days she flakes with us.

2a.  And, yet, another body for the moment described in #1 would have been...nice.

3.  The Bulldozer tried to lock me into my own computer area with a bookcase.  You have to at least give him props for the audacity.

4.  The Bulldozer decided that I did not actually want a chair and moved it out from under me as I sat down.  Hence the large bruise on my back and -- thanks to Aide J -- the report I had to file with Risk Management.

4a.  I have done worse to myself.  However, there is something about having it done deliberately that smarts.  Not like he hasn't been hitting me or anything, but still.

5.  The Superhero was processing things as slowly as molasses today.  Like, 10 seconds' processing time or better.  Naturally, because I was busy with the Bulldozer (see #4), I missed Aide S. getting on his case and assuming he was being defiant.

5a.  I would have assumed the same except that even when I asked him if he was ready for snack/recess/other thing she likes, it took at least 10 seconds to get a reply.

5b.  He might have been, some of the time...but Aide S is still not-grasping how to redirect him.  Despite my explaining in detail to the Superhero's father what "we" (a.k.a. me, Aide J, and Aide Mrs. B) do to redirect him right in front of her.

5c.  What the frell is going to happen in science tomorrow?  :-(

6.  We made it through News-2-You relatively unscathed.  However, the Bulldozer was at it again...I forget why except that it was Monday.  But, I tied his pen to the table with a long piece of yarn, and it took him about 10 attempts at throwing the pen to realize it wasn't going anywhere.  I have to admit, that was amusing.

6a.  I miss teaching News-2-You.

7.  I miss teaching...all I'm doing these days is putting out fires.

7a.  Or sometimes not.

8.  Nobody noticed until I asked that Princess had taken her BRAND NEW (as in, just brought them to school today) glasses off at recess and left them in the grass.  Thank God we found them.

8a.  I was hoping we'd have a week or two before I flashed back to losing RL's hearing aids....

9.  Aide K had a simple instruction after we did science today:  Finish agenda books and then journals (note the "then").

9a.  Five minutes later, Princess is completing a week-old journal, and Boy J is PLAYING IN OUR BEANBAG AREA!

10.  E had a good day.  Thank goodness.  If she hadn't, Aide J couldn't have helped me when...

11.  ...M lost it.  As in, royally, totally, nearly knocked Boy J over off the bike lost it.  As in, screaming, squealing, swearing, cackly laugh lost it.

11a.  The OTs are going to ask me tomorrow how her sensory diet is working.  Aide D hasn't been at school since the day they brought it -- so I haven't been able to try it.  Hooray.  :-(

12.  It's that time, and my stomach hurt all day, which didn't improve my mood.

13.  I don't know if it's the hormones, but comments like "he's still going?" about the Bulldozer, or just "still?" about M really bothered me today.  You think that I like listening to that?  You think I'm not doing everything in my admittedly-stretched-to-the-breaking-point multitasking ability ('cause, really, who can handle five simultaneous meltdowns with only one reliable adult for backup?) to get everybody under control?

13a.  My bag of tricks work.  You have seen it.  Before making snarky comments, you might consider TRYING SOME OF THEM.  Hmph.

13b.  Seriously.  Try them.  You can't comment 'till you try them.

13c.  TRY THEM.

On the plus side, I've come up with what I feel like is a good way to modify our social studies texts -- I feel like I've got a fairly good balance of functional skills like counting, word/letter/number identifying and vocabulary development versus simplified modified content.

Also, I task analyzed the entire thing and printed it out with each step highlighted so that Aide K will not be totally useless.  I hope.

Seriously, one group's thing leads off with:

1.  Open to Unit 1 (page 1)  -- this is the highlighted part.

a.  Direct the kids to the page numbers.  Every child in this group should be able to find this page.

2.  Show pictures of Native Americans (color page, attached)

a.  Elicit some sort of response from each kid (e.g. which one has feathers, which is a boy, how many, etc.)

3.  Take out "Native American" worksheet from social studies folder

a.  M, Superhero, Princess --> circle all the Native Americans

b.  The Angel (new girl) --> Choose 1 Native American and write a sentence about him/her

And so forth.  Tell me she can't screw that up.  Please?

On the minus side, it's taking longer than I thought it would.

I'm gonna go find myself a Mountain Dew, have a peanut butter sandwich, and go to bed.

Today Sucked

That is all.

Edited to add:  Turns out it sucked more than I thought.  Somehow, my chair adventure resulted in a large bruise on my back, more or less in the middle (above the small of the back, below the shoulder blades).  Now how did I manage that...?

Peter David Rocks

Like the title says (link).

That is all.

Well, okay, so does Wil Wheaton (yes, the guy I had a crush on as a kid...and how cool is it that he grew up to be a nerd?).

It's Amazing What...

...you notice when you're waiting out a child's...drama.

We had a fairly good day, but it was exhausting because everyone seemed just on this edge of a colossal meltdown.  No one actually did, but I'm drained from the sheer effort of preventing it.

Meanwhile, Aide D was back today -- without even an apology for missing three of five workdays this week.  She then proceeded to spend recess on her cell phone without paying attention to the Bulldozer.  After conferring with Aide S and Aide J to see if they really wanted to take on (1) another sub who could potentially be worse or (2) no one at all, we jointly decided to ask the office not to invite her back.

I suspect I won't be popular on Monday after they speak with her.

However, that's not what this post is about.  This post is about our Places in the News map, which I have hung up in my classroom. Whenever we read about a new place in News-2-You, we mark it with a Post-It on the map.  Each month, more or less, we take those Post-Its off and mark the places on the world map in the back of the kids' agenda books.

My ultimate goal is that every child in the class be able to find America (unlike many high school graduates), with the exception of E., who I would like to at least understand the direction "come to the map."

Here is the map so far:

Last week, one of the places in the news was Egypt.  We were reading about the new list of the seven wonders of the world but we also read about the Great Pyramid of Giza.

I was busy with...probably the Bulldozer...and asked Aide K to put Egypt on the map with whoever's turn it was to read.  (Whoever has read the sentence with the place in it gets to put the Post-It on the map.)  She goes up to the map and stares at it for quite some time.

Finally, I say, "It's in Africa."

She examines Europe and Russia.

"Down south of there," I say.

She examines Europe.

"It's the...purple one, I think, at the top right hand corner of Africa."

"No, down to the left," puts in Aide J, who is watching this in morbid fascination.

Finally, she puts the Post-It on.  I assume she has located Egypt, and go about my life.

Yesterday, as The Bulldozer was wailing about...whatever...I stare at the map, so as not to give him eye contact.

You will notice that the pink "Egypt" Post-It is not near Egypt.  It's not even in Africa.  Nor is it at the "top right" of any conceivable landmass, let alone Africa.

Even E can match words by matching the first letter.

Yeah....

The Science Dilemma

One piece of fallout from the whole Aide S versus Superhero situation is that Superhero has been having a hard time in science class. Granted, it's probably not what I would have chosen as an mainstreaming activity for him, but since Teacher JT volunteered it at his IEP, it's what we gotta do.

Superhero likes science. Once, when Aide S brought him back from science, he pulled her towards the door and wanted to go back. The problem is that my choices for sending him to science are:

Aide D. If she ever came. Which she hasn't all this week except for Tuesday. Plus, not so good with the Superhero, or anyone, really, except for Boy J and the Angel. She was good with J, R, and A last year.

Aide J. Leaving me with E. Or, y'know, putting Aide S or Aide D with E. Which...no. Aide S would but would get scratched to death in the process. Aide D would quit on the spot.

Hm....

And Aide S. Hence the dilemma.

Anyhow, he had a very hard day in science on Tuesday, which surprises me not at all as he had to listen to over an hour of The Bulldozer wailing, even though they had a break and read Charlie outside, while the Bulldozer wailed at me.

So, I spent the last couple of days making several active things for him to do during science -- kinda like what I do for E during News-2-You. I gave him letter matching and copying and spelling all relating to the scientific method -- which I hope is what they're still doing, so that his separate/modified work is on the same topic, but no one has actually told me what is going on in science, and it's a measure of my distraction that I never thought to ask.

Anyhow, he has nearly 15 pages of work. Let's hope this works.

Meanwhile, I told the science teacher B that she was more than welcome to ask R to step outside until he can be quiet. My inclination is that since he wants to be there, a few times of that will be enough to shut the kid up. ;-) The only hitch in the plan would be if Aide S harped on him continually -- don't worry, I'm telling her not to do that, but if she's still PMSing....

Meanwhile, Aide K's profound comment of the day, in response to my aide hint that I put on the wall was:

"Okay, so...I don't understand...how is eye contact attention?"

My brain stuttered, and I (in yet another display of oratorical brilliance, thus proving why I prefer to communicate in writing) said, "Because it's attention."

(Which, duh, it is. You're looking at the child, in the child's eyes, focusing your visual attention on the -- oh, never mind. I'm sure you all get it.)

Backup -- We Need Backup!

Before I continue with our tale of woe begun earlier today, I must share this lovely caption under an artist's conception of NASA's Ares rockets -- the space vehicles due to replace our aging shuttle fleet:

NASA's Ares launch vehicles are supposed to replace the space shuttles, but won't be ready until 2010 -- five years after the shuttles are retired.

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but it's currently 2007 and the shuttles are flying.

Are you with me so far?

Saying the shuttles are retired immediately, five years from now is...ta-da...2012.

C'mon, Wired, you're a tech publication.  You write for nerds.  Do your math.  Please?

Even better, in the article itself, it says:

The nation's most visible launch vehicle, the space shuttle, will have its wings clipped in 2010, and current plans for a successor rocket to lift cargo and crew into orbit won't come to fruition until at least 2015, when the first Ares rockets make it to the launch pad.

Okay, so, you fail either at math or at reading comprehension. Yay you.

Anyhow, when we last left off, The Superhero had eventually decided that I'm the boss (yay) and that he would do what he was asked (double yay) quietly (triple yay).

So I innocently head off to my recess break, while the whole class goes to the 5th/6th grade yard since Aide D was absent again.  Then I go to pick them up, and chaos has ensued.

Boy J has been slapping girls on the butts and the Superhero -- after sitting on the wall -- went to the bathroom and then refused Aide S's requests to go sit back down.

We had a fire drill, so I basically said, "Fine, I'll deal with this later," and walked the class to the fire drill.

By the time we get there, Girl J has committed some heinous act of treason -- the specifics of which I have either since forgotten or was never told -- and is also in trouble.  This leaves Princess, New Girl, and, of all people, the Bulldozer.

During the fire drill, Boy J plays with the grass and begins throwing it at Aide S, who continues on her campaign of terror.  I am distracted by The Superhero and before I know it, Boy J has lost several of his tickets.  Aide J, bless her, steps in and calmly (hooray for her!) tells J that if he continues to do X, Y will happen.  If he wants good things to happen, he needs to make good choices.  Etc. etc.

So we go back to class, and I sit The Superhero at his own table with visual cues/gestures only, so he knows he's in deep doo-doo.  Boy J tries to rip the kids' cards off when asked to take off his so he's redirected to the Bulldozer's table where he can be easily blocked in.

And then he begins the godawful baby voice singing of which Teacher M spoke (darn her).  This behavior, also, is attention-seeking, and yet, while Aide J ignores him until he stands on the table and then simply says calmly (hooray for her!), "J, get down," Aide S goes off on him too, as I'm moving The Superhero farther away because he's begun to imitate the godawful baby voice singing.

And dancing.

On the table.

Have I mentioned the godawful baby voice?

So, I split the class into small groups and move myself near Boy J, where I redirect him only with taps on the shoulder until he stops the godawful baby voice singing (have I mentioned it's godawful?) about half an hour later.

Meanwhile, Aide K has come and I debate which group I can give her.  I dearly want to keep Aide S away from The Superhero at this point, but it's not like Aide K could handle him either.  So, I pray that a miracle reboot has occurred and give her The Bulldozer and Girl J.

I look back at Boy J to get him started copying his note home and look back at the table, which is really four double desks put together in a long rectangle.  The Bulldozer is drawing pizzas for Aide J (who is really supposed to be taking a lunch at this time, except, yeah, that didn't happen) while Girl J is at the other end of the table as Aide K stares aimlessly at the white board.

Yeah.

(Did I mention that my instructions were to "complete the game page through the crossword puzzle and then work in their black folders"? and not five minutes later did Aide K go to Aide J and say, "I'm really confused about what they should be doing here."  And then, when both I and Aide J had repeated those instructions, she told got her kids doing only the crossword puzzle?  Yeah.)

Okay.

So.

As it stands, the Bulldozer is drawing pizzas, Girl J is hiding under the table, Boy J is writing his note home, E is grouchy 'cause of all the noise (plus what eventually ends up to be stomach trouble), The Superhero and Aide S are at it again, and New Girl and Princess are working together like the little angels they are.

At this point, I send Boy J to work with Aide K, thinking that he at least might be able to work with her.  I tell Aide J that since The Bulldozer is at least not hitting anybody, I will for the moment let him be.

Then I tackle the next problem, which is, at this point, an extremely hyper, overstimulated, thoroughly pleased with himself Superhero.

So, back to the Superhero's point of view.

YAY THE WALL I'M LOOKING AT THE WALL THE WALL IS COOL THIS IS SO FUN EVERYTHING IS FUNNY HA HA HA I LOVE LIFE I LOVE ME I LOVE AIDE S THIS IS SO COOL WHAT WAS I THINKING?  YEE HAW!  HOORAY!  THIS IS FUN!  LAUGHING IS COOL.  I LIKE LAUGHING.  MAKES MY BODY SHAKE.  HOORAY.  FUN FUN FUN THIS IS SO COOL SO COOL YAY YAY YAY ---

Hey, Miss Teacher, what are you doing over here?  You wanna laugh too?  Look, I can squeal at you!  Wait, where are we going?  Why are you pointing at me?  Hey, look at me!  Come on, I've got cute puppy dog eyes!

Aw, not with the work again!  Come on!  Aide S and I were having so much fun!  Just look at how loud she was!  Almost as loud as me!  See, aren't we fun!  Wow, I feel like I'm running at 70 miles per hour.  Yee haw.  Life is funny.  You're funny.  I'm funny!  Hey, look -- Girl J is hiding under the table!  That's funny!  Funny funny funny!

Am I ready to work?  I'm not ready to work!  Work isn't funny!  I'm having too much fun with funny.

But c'mon, look at me, will ya?  I know how I can get you to look at me!  It's even funny.  Look, I'm so good at spitting.  Hooray me.  Isn't it funny that I got your glasses?  Funny funny funny.

Funny?

C'mon, Miss Teacher, why'd you put that folder there?  Then I can't spit at you and you can't look at me, and why should I spit at you if it doesn't make you look at me in the first place.  C'mon, put the folder down.

Aw, man.

C'mon.

Woah, it's lunch time?  I want lunch.  Lunch is fun.  Lunch is funny.  Life is funny.

Isn't it?

What do you mean, which word do I want to type?  I have to work first?  Oh, fine.  See, that wasn't so hard.  Okay, I'm gonna go now, see you later, I want more funny stuff....

...what are you looking at me like that for?

Seriously, Miss Teacher.  What are you looking like that for?

What do you mean I have to sit down at recess?

Oh.  Right.  Yeah, I was kinda loud.  And, yeah, I didn't listen to Miss S.

Am I gonna play or sit?  Duh.  I'm gonna play.

I'm gonna play, right?

Miss Teacher?  I'm gonna play, right?

Uh oh.

I'm gonna sit?

What do you mean, why am I gonna sit?  What did I do to have to...

Oh.

Fine, I'll repeat it.  "I was mean to Miss S.  I was loud."

Okay.  I'll sit.  You are such a party pooper.  Can I have my lunch now?

Okay, I'll walk with my hands folded.

Okay, I'll sit.  I remember.

Was I saying something was funny?

Hey, stop looking at me like that.  It's not funny, okay?  I get it.  It's not funny.

So, after lunch, I let the two angels (a.k.a. New Girl and Princess)...

...You know what?  New Girl is henceforth known as The Angel.

Anyway, the Angel and Princess got to be on the computer having fun while the rest of the class spent a very boring half an hour practicing how to follow simple directions like "walk to the door without touching anything" and "walk past your friends without touching them."

Here's to a half day tomorrow, and we are all going to hope that the sore throat I've had all day is not going to turn into anything worse, because there is no way on God's green Earth that I am calling in sick anytime in the next...really long time.

However.

Like I said to the Superhero's mom when she commented on how well-behaved the class was during our spelling test before our field trip last Friday, the fact that they could do it, even just that once, means that they can do it.

Therefore, they will do it.

At least once before the school year is over.

Incidentally, today spurred me to do something I've planned all along: put up little hints for the aides of things I've learned along the way.  September's is this:

Hopefully Helpful Tip of the Month
September

When redirecting a child who is seeking your attention inappropriately (calling out, using inappropriate language, etc.), redirect the child using . . .

As few words as possible

in

As quiet a voice as possible

with

As little eye contact as possible

Remember: The more attention you give for inappropriate behaviors, the more (and longer) they will happen. Any child who knows your buttons are pushable will push them more because they want you to react.

This is not the easy way, but it is the best way.

It's All M's Fault

Teacher M, that is, not Student M.

Y'see, we were chatting about my fourth graders yesterday, and when I mentioned Boy J's godawful baby voice thing he does sometimes, she blithely said, "At least he hasn't done the dancing/singing with the baby voice."

Guess what Boy J did today?

For half an hour.

The Bulldozer, on the other hand, had a relatively peaceful day.  He tried to throw my glasses a couple of times but I was able to block all hits, and he even sat with the group for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

He. Sat. With. The. Group!

Aide D was out again today, but at least she called this time.  I suppose.

Meanwhile, however, Aide S either woke up way on the wrong side of the bed today or she's forgotten everything I've taught her over the last two years.

Let me present this entire interaction from Boy R's (henceforth known as The Superhero, thus christened by Cat) point of view.

Boy, everybody is doing their journals.  Even The Bulldozer is quiet.  Hey, how come nobody's looking at ME?  I'm working too.  Princess and Girl J and Boy J don't really need Miss S's help.  Hey, look at me!

Hey, look at me!  I'm cool and awesome and wonderful.  Why aren't you all looking at me?

Ooooh, I know how I can get them to look at me.  Hee hee, I'm so clever, I'll just --

"Superhero, put your HANDS DOWN."

Wooo-oooowie.  That got Miss S's attention, didn't it?

Hee hee.

Hey, let's try -- hey, that feels good...I think I'll keep my hands --

"Superhero, I DON'T LIKE THAT.  PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR DESK.  YOU NEED TO STOP.  GO TAKE OFF YOUR GREEN CARD."

Huh?  My green what?  What are you -- ?

"Superhero, STAND UP AND GO GET YOUR GREEN CARD."

Okay, okay, I'll stand up, but -- oooh, look, there's my chewy.  What was I doing again?

"Superhero, Miss S told you to get your green card, please."

Man, Miss Teacher is a party pooper.  Oh well.  She looked real serious.

"Now go sit down please."

All right, all right, Miss Teacher.

Oh, the COMPUTER MOUSE.  COOL!  I love the computer!  It's awesome.  It's the most awesomest thing --

"SUPERHERO, SIT DOWN."

Mwuh?   Oh.  Yeah.  My journal.  Coming Miss S.

So, what was I doing again?  Oh, yeah...trying to use these stickers to write Thursday.  Man, I could use some help.  No one's looking at me again.

What does a guy have to do to get some attention around here?

Oh.  I know.

Hey, that squealing thing feels good.  I think I'll do it again.  This is --

"SUPERHERO, YOU NEED TO BE QUIET RIGHT NOW."

Heh.  That got her.

Wait -- she turned away again.  Well, the squealing thing worked before, let's just try it again.

"SUPERHERO, GO GET YOUR YELLOW CARD."

Wait, what?  My yellow card?  Oh well.  This is fun.

Oh.  Man.  Miss Teacher is giving me the look.  I'd better...nah, this is more fun.

Hey, wait, what's Miss Teacher saying to Miss S?  Who's this R they're talking about, and what's with all the spelling?  Oh, she's looking at me.  I wonder if she's telling Miss S to pay more attention to me?

Let's see.  Hee hee.

Oooh, that growly thing is even more fun.  Makes my jaw feel good.  Cool.

"SUPERHERO, I DON'T LIKE THAT.  STOP IT RIGHT NOW."

"Superhero, you're hurting my ears.  Please stop."

Wow.  Miss S and Miss J both looked at me.  This is SO COOL!

Aw, come on, Miss J, don't notice Miss Teacher trying to catch your eye.  She'll make you stop looking at me.

Dang.  It worked.  She looked away and started helping E. again.

Better distract Miss S before she sees Miss Teacher too.

"SUPERHERO, THAT'S IT.  GO TAKE YOUR RED CARD DOWN!"

Oh, you GO, Bulldozer!  You're awesome!  Thanks for distracting Miss Teacher just as she thought she could make Miss S start ignoring me.  You drive me nuts, but I love ya, man.

"LOOK, Superhero, you're on your red card.  That means NO RECESS."

How come Miss S sounds like she's enjoying that idea so much?  And what's this "No recess" of which you speak?

Oh well.  That's later.  Right now, she's looking at JUST ME.  Wheeee!  This is going so well....

....Bulldozer?  Why'd you stop?  Miss Teacher is going to make me do my work.  Bulldozer?  Hey!  Bulldozer!!

Oh well.  I can get Miss Teacher to look at me.  I'm the Superhero!  I can do anything!

(It's worked so far, right?)

Miss Teacher?  Come on, look at me.  Listen?  I'm squealing my head off.  I'm calling myself a dog!  I'm saying "Bulldozer, shut up!"  Miss Teacher?  Hello?

What did you say?  I could barely hear you.  Why are you whispering?  Miss Teacher, TALK TO ME!

You're not looking at me!  Why aren't you looking at me?

"Superhero, are you ready to work?"

Oh, that's what you said.

And you looked at me!

Wait...you'll look at me when I work?  And talk to me?

Okay, I can do that.  I'll just yell too -- hey, wait, gimme my paper back!  I want you to look at me!

Oh.  I have to work and be quiet.  You're such a killjoy.  Fine.  Whatever.  Can you help me find the H?  Cool.  Thanks, Miss Teacher.  I guess this is kinda fun.  At least this way, you're smiling when you look at me.

And then, they go out to recess.....

To be continued later.

'Cause it would have been too easy for that to be the end of it.