It's All M's Fault

Teacher M, that is, not Student M.

Y'see, we were chatting about my fourth graders yesterday, and when I mentioned Boy J's godawful baby voice thing he does sometimes, she blithely said, "At least he hasn't done the dancing/singing with the baby voice."

Guess what Boy J did today?

For half an hour.

The Bulldozer, on the other hand, had a relatively peaceful day.  He tried to throw my glasses a couple of times but I was able to block all hits, and he even sat with the group for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

He. Sat. With. The. Group!

Aide D was out again today, but at least she called this time.  I suppose.

Meanwhile, however, Aide S either woke up way on the wrong side of the bed today or she's forgotten everything I've taught her over the last two years.

Let me present this entire interaction from Boy R's (henceforth known as The Superhero, thus christened by Cat) point of view.

Boy, everybody is doing their journals.  Even The Bulldozer is quiet.  Hey, how come nobody's looking at ME?  I'm working too.  Princess and Girl J and Boy J don't really need Miss S's help.  Hey, look at me!

Hey, look at me!  I'm cool and awesome and wonderful.  Why aren't you all looking at me?

Ooooh, I know how I can get them to look at me.  Hee hee, I'm so clever, I'll just --

"Superhero, put your HANDS DOWN."

Wooo-oooowie.  That got Miss S's attention, didn't it?

Hee hee.

Hey, let's try -- hey, that feels good...I think I'll keep my hands --

"Superhero, I DON'T LIKE THAT.  PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR DESK.  YOU NEED TO STOP.  GO TAKE OFF YOUR GREEN CARD."

Huh?  My green what?  What are you -- ?

"Superhero, STAND UP AND GO GET YOUR GREEN CARD."

Okay, okay, I'll stand up, but -- oooh, look, there's my chewy.  What was I doing again?

"Superhero, Miss S told you to get your green card, please."

Man, Miss Teacher is a party pooper.  Oh well.  She looked real serious.

"Now go sit down please."

All right, all right, Miss Teacher.

Oh, the COMPUTER MOUSE.  COOL!  I love the computer!  It's awesome.  It's the most awesomest thing --

"SUPERHERO, SIT DOWN."

Mwuh?   Oh.  Yeah.  My journal.  Coming Miss S.

So, what was I doing again?  Oh, yeah...trying to use these stickers to write Thursday.  Man, I could use some help.  No one's looking at me again.

What does a guy have to do to get some attention around here?

Oh.  I know.

Hey, that squealing thing feels good.  I think I'll do it again.  This is --

"SUPERHERO, YOU NEED TO BE QUIET RIGHT NOW."

Heh.  That got her.

Wait -- she turned away again.  Well, the squealing thing worked before, let's just try it again.

"SUPERHERO, GO GET YOUR YELLOW CARD."

Wait, what?  My yellow card?  Oh well.  This is fun.

Oh.  Man.  Miss Teacher is giving me the look.  I'd better...nah, this is more fun.

Hey, wait, what's Miss Teacher saying to Miss S?  Who's this R they're talking about, and what's with all the spelling?  Oh, she's looking at me.  I wonder if she's telling Miss S to pay more attention to me?

Let's see.  Hee hee.

Oooh, that growly thing is even more fun.  Makes my jaw feel good.  Cool.

"SUPERHERO, I DON'T LIKE THAT.  STOP IT RIGHT NOW."

"Superhero, you're hurting my ears.  Please stop."

Wow.  Miss S and Miss J both looked at me.  This is SO COOL!

Aw, come on, Miss J, don't notice Miss Teacher trying to catch your eye.  She'll make you stop looking at me.

Dang.  It worked.  She looked away and started helping E. again.

Better distract Miss S before she sees Miss Teacher too.

"SUPERHERO, THAT'S IT.  GO TAKE YOUR RED CARD DOWN!"

Oh, you GO, Bulldozer!  You're awesome!  Thanks for distracting Miss Teacher just as she thought she could make Miss S start ignoring me.  You drive me nuts, but I love ya, man.

"LOOK, Superhero, you're on your red card.  That means NO RECESS."

How come Miss S sounds like she's enjoying that idea so much?  And what's this "No recess" of which you speak?

Oh well.  That's later.  Right now, she's looking at JUST ME.  Wheeee!  This is going so well....

....Bulldozer?  Why'd you stop?  Miss Teacher is going to make me do my work.  Bulldozer?  Hey!  Bulldozer!!

Oh well.  I can get Miss Teacher to look at me.  I'm the Superhero!  I can do anything!

(It's worked so far, right?)

Miss Teacher?  Come on, look at me.  Listen?  I'm squealing my head off.  I'm calling myself a dog!  I'm saying "Bulldozer, shut up!"  Miss Teacher?  Hello?

What did you say?  I could barely hear you.  Why are you whispering?  Miss Teacher, TALK TO ME!

You're not looking at me!  Why aren't you looking at me?

"Superhero, are you ready to work?"

Oh, that's what you said.

And you looked at me!

Wait...you'll look at me when I work?  And talk to me?

Okay, I can do that.  I'll just yell too -- hey, wait, gimme my paper back!  I want you to look at me!

Oh.  I have to work and be quiet.  You're such a killjoy.  Fine.  Whatever.  Can you help me find the H?  Cool.  Thanks, Miss Teacher.  I guess this is kinda fun.  At least this way, you're smiling when you look at me.

And then, they go out to recess.....

To be continued later.

'Cause it would have been too easy for that to be the end of it.